by guest blogger @deakeronwheels
I've always been terrified of making mistakes, in fact I used to go into shut down in fear of making mistakes. If mistakes are not seen as life or death and instead are seen as a learning experience they can teach you some incredible things.
Earlier in the day I had gone to speak to someone about a mistake that was made by them that had affected me. Based on my childhood experiences of dealing with others around mistakes I remember feeling angry and scared. I allowed these feelings to be there knowing they were a younger part of me, while trying to hold them in my adult self. When I spoke to the person that made the mistake, they reacted perfectly well and it all got sorted. What I found really interesting was that my feelings towards their mistake felt like a reflection of my feelings towards myself when I had previously made a mistake.
That afternoon I went all the way into town to get some forms signed and realized on my return that I’d forgotten to get one of the forms signed. Just one. I was so bummed because I knew that meant I had to take the whole lot back into town again. But that wasn't really the issue, it was more about the feelings and the identity this created in me, that this mistake brought up. However, this time rather than internalizing my feelings, I allowed them to come up and didn’t shame myself like I would have done in the past. Eventually those feelings passed and I realized there was just going to be the consequence of going back into town to repeat the whole exercise. Frustrating yes, but maybe it might teach me something and it did, because before I'd even had to leave, I bumped into someone who showed me a way that actually made the whole process easier. As a 1/3 profile in human design I am here to learn things and then implement by trial and error. That means I will make mistakes but I am learning that these mistakes help me to understand more efficient ways of doing things. That experience was necessary for me to finally see making mistakes in a positive way and to see just how beautiful it can be when it becomes a way to deepen my connection with myself.
Our ability to deal with mistakes that others make is a reflection of our ability to deal with our own mistakes. The only reason earlier in the day I had felt angry towards the person who made the mistake and was afraid of their reaction to me marking them aware of the mistake, was because when I made mistakes in the past that same anger was towards myself and I was afraid of my own reaction. But in having the awareness earlier in the day that that was an inner child part of me and wasn’t me, I could hold that and still go and speak about the mistake made. But interestingly even when the person reacted calmly like they did, those feelings in me did not leave. They lessened but they were still there. But in having the experience of the afternoon and finally feeling those feelings and forgiving myself for mistakes, those feelings would not be in my energetic field. When someone makes a mistake, I would no longer feel angry at them or feel afraid of their reaction when I pointed it out. Instead I would just go and have an open conversation about the mistake and because I am more okay with making mistakes I would be more forgiving. This ties in with the original quote that we are never truly okay with something unless we are truly okay with it within ourselves. We are never truly okay when someone makes a mistake unless we are truly okay when we make mistakes. We may say it in our words like I did earlier in the day but it will come across as people pleasing because inside of us we are not okay with it. Our energy does not match our words. It’s just like after I made the mistake and I spoke to myself and said it was okay but it didn’t change how I was feeling. It wasn’t until I just allowed the feelings to be felt, no longer took them in as part of my identity (ie no longer shamed myself) and let them go that I could truly say to myself that it was okay because energetically and somatically my body knew too that it really was okay now.