We hold a grudge when someone hurts us and we can’t, or maybe aren’t ready to face the pain of that past interaction (or maybe what that interaction triggered in us). We have this idea that we can somehow transfer our hurt back onto that person by holding a grudge against them, and that will make us feel better. But does it ever make us feel better? And does it actually hurt the other person?
The saying above suggests otherwise… our expectation of hurting the other person is often unrealized and instead we just end up hurting ourselves. Having the pain stuck in us ends up being like a festering wound with a band-aid over it. The hurt does not go away, it’s just suppressed, waiting to boil over at some future point in time when a similar experience triggers it.
So next time you feel like holding a grudge consider what it might be doing to you. Look at the emotion behind the situation that’s set off this feeling. Give yourself the self care so that you can process this emotion and the hurt behind it. Seek support if you need guidance on how to work your way through this, and ensure you are well enough resourced to cope with what might come up.
Wishing you well in this crazy human life.