How to Deal More Easily with Criticism

When we have the pattern of the ‘good girl’ (or the male equivalent ‘nice guy’) we tend to be highly sensitive to criticism and hence struggle with it.

What can be helpful in reducing our sensitivity to criticism is to understand what criticism actually is, or really what is behind it.

This was one of many things that helped me to break free of the good girl syndrome. It improved my ability to take criticism more lightly (like water off a duck’s back rather than mud off a fluffy dog :-).

So here’s what I’ve learnt…

People tend to project onto others how they see the world and this in turn is based on their experience of the world.

So criticisms are simply projections of how someone else views the world… an expression of that person’s viewpoint at that particular point in time that is based on that person’s specific experience and the choices they’ve made in life.

…It’s what they believe to be true (an opinion), but it doesn’t have to be what you (or I) take as ‘the truth’.

An example from my own life…

‘I was criticized consistently by my mother in law for breast feeding my babies. It made it challenging to keep going especially when I had difficulties so I ended up stopping early because I took on board her criticism. I don’t think I would do that now. Reflecting back on it, her experience (and choice) had been to bottle feed her sons because that was seen as the way to do it back in her day. She believed it was the right thing to do and so projected that onto me as criticism of my choice. When I see it this way it takes the ‘personalness’ out of it and (if I had that time again) I would be much less affected by her criticism.’

So next time you’re criticized, pause and try this:

1. Remind yourself that their words are their opinion based on what they believe to be true.

2. Ask yourself ‘is this true for me?’ or ‘do I want this to be true for me?’.

3. Remind yourself that you have a choice: you can hold onto or let go of their criticism.

To let it go - take a deep breathe in and then extend your out breathe while visualizing their words floating away from you (perhaps flowing away down a stream or blowing away in the wind).

I hope this helps you.

Wishing you well in this crazy human journey.

Warmly

Joanne