How I Turned My Negative Self-Talk Into a Friend

- A tip from a recovering ‘good girl’

I used to say things to myself I’d never dream of saying to someone I love.

Like the time I lost my car keys and muttered, “I’m so stupid”—only to discover they were already in the front door. Or when I accidentally reversed into a fence post while rushing to an appointment and scolded myself with, “What an idiot.”

That’s when I realized how unkind I’d become to myself. I wasn’t just holding myself to high standards—I was being horrible to myself for being human.

Recognizing ‘Good Girl Syndrome’

As a lifelong "good girl," I was conditioned to be capable, composed, and always in control. Mistakes weren’t just mistakes—they felt like failures.

And when I did mess up? The voice in my head was brutal.

But the turning point came when I started listening to that voice… really listening. I realized I was speaking to myself in a way I’d never speak to my friends, children, or partner.

What Helped Me Change

The shift began with awareness.

I started noticing what I said to myself in those everyday moments—the spilled water, the wrong turn, the late appointment. Then, I paused and reminded myself:

• I’m human

• All humans make mistakes

• It’s okay for me to make mistakes too

Instead of spiraling, I’d reframe. Sometimes I could even laugh at myself—like when the keys were in the door all along. Other times, I’d simply offer myself the same compassion I’d give a friend.

“That’s frustrating. But it’s okay. You’re allowed to be imperfect.”

The Ongoing Practice of Self-Compassion

This isn’t about being perfect with your inner voice—it’s about being gentle. With time, I learned to meet my mistakes with grace instead of judgment.

Now, when the critic pipes up, I don’t silence her—I listen and respond with kindness. That’s the real shift.

💬 “I no longer treat my inner voice as an enemy. I’ve learned to become a friend to myself.”

💛 Final Thought

If you’re navigating good girl syndrome, perfectionism, or harsh self-talk—start by noticing. Just noticing is a powerful step.

From there, a little compassion goes a long way.

Namaste

Joanne

PS For a summary of this tip and 7 others download my ebook ‘Untaming the Good Girl : 8 Gentle Tips for to Begin Reclaiming Yourself’